Nowdays, we have both the pressure to get married & to not get married, at the same time.
When we say we want to get married,
“Don’t do that, explore the world, do whatever you want, don’t rush, marriage is just a burden.”
When we say we don’t want to get married,
“Why won’t you? You can’t just do whatever you want forever? Marriage is a sacred thing in life.”
And about the marriage life itself, that is another story to be told.
How do we have both of this at the same time? I don’t know either, don’t ask me.
But, whatever, we have them both, that’s the fact.
“So… what should we do now?”
Relax. Let’s see first, how marriage comes in the first place. How marriage becomes both a need, and then a desire.
At the old times, even since the Medieval if you want, it’s literally
‘marry or die.’ No, not just for women, even for men.
We need a partner in order to gain more resources, to join into society, to take care of those said resources, and others. Of course, it’s a need here to have a marital partner.
Then, after some time passed, it’s
‘marry or suffer’. Yeah, you’ll not necessarily die. But still, you’ll have a hard time.
If you’re married, you have a partner to care for you, you are better to fit in society, you can start a family. But, some things need to be sacrificed; education (especially for women), childhood (most get married directly after puberty hits), play time, etc.
But still, it’s logical enough, why we would favour marriage at this time.
Then, it’s
‘marry so you can become successful’. At this time, you can survive enough as an individual. But marrying someone will jumpstart your life at a much greater level. This is where the job & the wealth come to be viewed & compared.
No need to shun that it’s materialistic, it’s completely understandable at that time. In fact, like the previous one, this also comes with sacrifices, with the most prevalent one is the emotional love (some people might not marry the people that they want).
In addition, that particular sacrifice might the one that sparks the importance of marrying someone that you love. Because at this moment, people are already able to live on their own. So, why not just start there? Instead of marrying someone you don't love, why not work on success yourself?
So far, though the dynamics of marriage changes, but it never falls astray; you share resources with your partner in order to survive and thus thrive. You help each other fulfil your goals. You need each other.
What about now? 2019? In this era?
Our standards of living are getting higher, so it’s not surprising that our marriage standards are also getting higher. Extrapolating that, it’s no surprise that people take longer time to get married, or even not to marry at all. It’s completely understandable.
But notice that, the philosophy remains the same; you share resources with your partner in order to survive and thus thrive. You help each other fulfil your goals. You need each other.
This is why I’m quite annoyed as woman, hearing
“Do not depend on men!”
I made a video about it, but I would like to point out again;
we depend on everyone to do everything.
Of course not in the clingy, helpless way. My point is, humans are interdependent with each other. We need each other. We complete each other. If that holds true to the whole humanity, let alone a husband & a wife.
But…
But…
On this era, with this economy, with this lifestyle, it is not ideal to 100% financially dependent on your spouse. That’s it. It may be relevant before, but at least for now, it’s not.
The same goes for child-rearing. In this era, with this lifestyle, it is not ideal anymore to depend on the mother 100% in child-rearing. It may be relevant before. In fact, it might be compulsory before. But at least for now, it’s not. The father needs to get involved actively too.
But again, the philosophy remains the same; you share resources with your partner in order to survive and thus thrive. You help each other fulfil your goals. You need each other.
So, again, back to the question;
should you get married or not?
In doing everything, we do it because we want it and/or we need it. This advanced era has given us the privilege to look deeper into our lives.
So, it’s worth to examine your own capability, your own needs & your own desires in deciding this. Be honest with yourself. Then, be confident in yourself.
Do you want it? Do you not want it? Do you need it? Do you not need it? What are the benefits? What are the sacrifices? Am I capable to do it? Am I capable to develop the capability?
And remember the basic philosophy; we need each other. We utilize each other to live & to thrive. Marriage is just one way of it manifesting.
What will be the benefit that my partner bring me? What will be the benefit that I bring my partner? Am I able to develop a relationship already? Do I have that mindset of continuously improving myself, to learn more about this?
Yeah, I’m sorry if this post doesn’t bring the concrete answers that you’ve been hoping for.
Because those answers can only come from yourself.
Especially due to the privilege of looking deeper into our lives, no one can have a full say of should you be getting married or not. People can have opinions, people can give sincere advice. There are of course guidelines & criteria in you belief system, such as religion or state law.
But it’s all up to you. It’s all up to your own capability, your own needs, your own desires, your own confidence, your own thinking & your own judgement.
Yeah, I know. It is hard, and in fact, it is kinda weird to be this philosophical when it comes to marriage; a thing that most people in the previous time would just simply ‘do it’.
But, with the increasing standard of living, how couldn’t we?
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