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Girls, what are your motivation to study hard, get a job and be independent?
So you don't have to depend on any man in your life?
At first, I do agree with this. I mean, I am a girl too.
But I've been thinking,
1) Can we really do everything by ourselves? Like, being totally independent to others?
2) Is it wrong for a girl to ask for a man's help? Is it wrong that I like it when someone help me?
3) So do I have to really study hard, get a job and be independent, just to prove that I don't need to depend to men in my life?
Again, when we go through this statement, we know that it is not 100% right, eventhough it is totally not 100% wrong.
And it is just as equally important to study the wrong ones, just like we embrace and cherish the right ones.
"So, what IS wrong with it?"
Reminder: All of these are my own personal opinions. You are free to agree and disagree, and I am more than happy if you would kindly explain why.
1. We CANNOT do everything by ourselves.
In fact, we depend on others a lot. As much independence that we want to gain, we cannot live all by ourselves. All of us are connected to each other. All of us need each other.
We possess different qualities among each other. But we don't possess all of them. So, it is totally normal to depend on other people, to do things for us.
It is in humanity.
So, women do depend on men to do some stuff. Just like how men also depend on women to do stuff. This is the reality. But we don't want to admit it.
We keep seeing each others' fault and telling ourselves that we could live a better life without them.
But in reality, we NEED them. Just like how they NEED us.
"So, does that mean we are not independent at all?"
No, desiring to be independent does not mean cutting off any relations or declining any help with anyone.
What we do mean by saying, "I want to be independent."
is that we don't want our lives to depend entirely on others, and we don't want to burden people with ourselves. We want to minimize them as much as we can.
This is also normal. In fact, it is good that it is a normal thing, so both our dependency and independency are balanced.
It is also in humanity.
Furthermore, dependency on others is also subjective. Maybe we feel happy with certain things that we decide on our own, but there will always be other things that we need, or even prefer, others to do it for us.
Everyone can agree with that, right?
2. Women need love and men need respect
Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201210/women-need-love-and-men-need-respect
This came from a scientific experiment with a concluded hypothesis.
It is biologically wired that a man will help a woman. Why?
So she will feel loved and appreciated while he will feel respected and dependable.
So when a man helps a woman, biologically both of them will be happy and satisfied.
But don't get me wrong, this is a very general, scientific statement. The applications are varied in real life. When reflected upon the reality, you know how different it is. All people are different anyways.
And just like the first statement, dependency on others is subjective. Maybe you like your man to serve your breakfast in your bed, feeding you on each bite, but when it comes to fixing your own car, you prefer to deal with the challenge alone.
3. We want to be independent, because of ourselves
You see, just like the first and the second point, you can't actually escape from getting helped.
So, instead of acting like a tough girl, hiding her hard times,
why don't just accept it, and while at it, working on your own capabilities, so you would be less depending on others?
We should focus on receiving minimum help and helping out to the max.
Why? So we can prove to guys that we don't need their help? No.
So that we can be a better person. That's it.
You will be the best if you can benefit people the most.
Imagine how many people you can help, if you can develop yourself to become more and more capable of doing things on your own.
Of course, we won't do all things alone. We ourselves, will need help sometimes. And people will usually volunteer to help. What's wrong with letting them to help?
Things will be settled a lot quicker, and more benefits will be gained.
Personally, I am THAT girl who puts out a tough act and pretend like I can solve things on my own.
Not because I want people to think I am strong,
not because I don't want people to think I am a wimp,
but because I genuinely love to do things by myself.
But of course, I do need help sometimes. Well, actually a lot of times.
And I actually feel I lose self-worth when I ask people for help.
That's why I prefer to do things on my own.
But, do I ACTUALLY lose self-worth when people help me? Not at all. It is just solely my preference to do things on my own.
On the bright side, my job will get easier as help arrives.
So I slowly learn to let people help me and appreciate them, instead of declining them.
I find more peace in doing it, and I find myself to have 3 advantages:
1) I improve myself as I observed how others help me, so I can do it on my own next time.
2) My work will be settled faster and easier
3) I build connections with those who help me, by also helping them in the future
So ladies,
study hard,
get a job,
be independent,
so you can be the best person to help other people.
In the mean time,
if a guy offers to help you,
instead of declining it,
just accept it and let them do the work.
Do both, and you will be the best and produce the best outputs for others.
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