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Come on. I know you, at least low-key, want it. Don't give me that stupid and judging look.
Why can't I? Can't I study and get married at the same time? Can't I get a good degree, and a decent husband, together?
I know that while you are working hard on your papers and classes, rushing for club activities, scoring on every subjects,
at the very same time, you would have inside your phones thousands of virtual things to look at, of your beloved singers, entertainers, athletes or God-knows-whoever-else,
online and offline,
performing and not,
even properly dressed and the opposite. Maybe.
And you would spend every single valuable free time that you have to watch them, and engage with them, and imagining things to do with them.
That is just about celebrity-crush. What about your 'crush' crush?
Maybe you don't deal with them like you deal with your celebrity crush, but still, it is a big deal.
Your heart pounds when you meet them, you stalk all of their online profiles, you keep tabs on what they wear, what they eat, where they go, and especially, who are the girls that are talking to him.
The point is, you have that desire to have companionship, just as much as you do want to be successful in our studies and our careers.
You want both. We want both.
So why can't we have both?
1. Responsibility
Just like how marriage seems like the happiest thing in the Earth, actually so does the degree that you are wishing to hold onto.
Try to imagine when you were a little girl. Your parents, especially Asian parents, will raise and shape us entirely on this script.
"Do well at school, so you can go to college, so you can have jobs that bring loads of money."
When we were little, this sounds like the best thing ever.
What happened now?
We grow up, and we know that reality is totally the distorted version of the 'college dreamland' that our parents used to serenade to us.
Studying is hard. Dealing with teachers that create too many unimportant fuss, dealing with fellow students with attitudes, catching up sleep and social lives that seems impossible, not even mentioning about meals.
And even with all of this, our future is not even guaranteed.
Some of us, after school, get married and have decent lives.
Some of us, after school, get married and have miserable lives.
Some of us, graduated from college and get a job, and have decent lives.
Some of us, graduated from college and get a job, but have misrable lives.
You want a degree? You will have to do things. You have to sacrifice things. Is it worth it? I don't know.
You want a husband? Nothing's changing anyway.
So, rather than choosing not to marry,
we are actually afraid of the responsibilities that we have yet to do.
The advantages may lure you, but what you need to do for it will make you distance yourself from it.
So, why would you get married, when you can stick to the social norms of pursuing higher studies? You may suffer, but at least it is more common. You know better what to do if you pursue studies than get married
2. Priority
We all have different backgrounds and families, and our choice between a degree or a husband may be influenced A LOT by them.
Not gonna lie, if you know your parents have worked their butts off to pay for your education, to free yourself and themselves from poverty, of course you will be determined to get a job.
But what if someone, with lots of money, wants to marry you?
Now mostly it will be determined by how your parents think. If they want a quick and easy way to escape poverty, most probably you will marry him.
But if your parents still thinks that they want you to have a degree, most probably you will not.
(Differentiate between getting a degree and getting an education. Education is something that everyone is capable of, but differs depending on various factors. Getting a degree is getting formal education, complete with practice, skills and knowledge, and also (somewhat) a guarantee that you will get a job based on that degree. One is not better than the other. It is just two different things.)
So, what's your priority? Finding a soulmate, settling down and raising a family?
Or learn as much as you can to gain knowledge and your career?
And again, take note that one is not necessarily better than the other. Both are two distinct options that bring two different change.
Which one to choose? Which one is better? It depends entirely on YOU.
3. System
How both marriage and education work differs, based in your nation, society, culture and religion.
There are expectations and rules that they set that you need to follow.
And although they differ, it is regretful to say, at least in my observations, that these two never co-exist.
That is understandable, though. Imagine if a man gets married first before pursuing his study. It would take years before he graduates, and more time before he gets a job. What could he give to his family during his time?
In addition, we have already talked about responsibilities. Now he has two of them, at the same time. That would be scary as hell.
So yeah, the world seems cruel, right?
Well, not really. It is not like if you don't get married or a degree, you'll die.
But I just want to highlight that, it is okay and completely normal to want to get married and have a family, while you are at your studies.
Because that is what every human wants anyway, regardless if you are a college student or not.
So don't try to push away those feelings. Just acknowledge it, and let yourself know that YOU yourself are choosing to have a degree first. You are the one who knows that the degree will help you so much later in life. You know and you are confident with your priority. Marriage can wait.
And, on the other side, don't get carried away with relationships (if you do have one), begging your partner to stay 24 hours with you, asking for gifts, romantic meals and surprises, threatening to break up for every imperfection that your partner has, and breaking cultural and religious rules for temporary satisfaction.Or even forcing them to get married as soon as possible.
Having a relationship while completing your studies is usually what students will choose. It is like the safest and 'win-win' thing to do during this emotionally confusing time. But remember, relationship in general, simply means how you connect with other, especially important people, in your life.
How do you maintain a good relationship with your friends and family? That is how you should treat your partner. You don't lean on them 24/7, begging for their attention. And of course you don't do that either.
Husbands and wives don't just simply meet and get along. They learn about each other, appreciate each other for who they are, and identify how they bond with each other, before taking the big step. If they themselves find out they cannot proceed, then they end it nicely.
The same also applies to you. You learn how they are, you cherish their good qualities and embrace their flaws, you try to be there when they need you, and you simply just love them.
No need to rush, and no need to be clingy. Just be yourself and get along with him/her.
If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
So, after reading all of this, what's your call?
Pursuing that degree? Settling down with marriage? Establish a relatonship?
Or 'Screw this, I'm getting both anyway'?
Up to you.
It's never about how many choices there are.
It's about what and how you choose.
Choose wisely.
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